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Captain’s Mast

This is a bit different from my usual posts, as this has nothing to do with nature, exploring, what have you. It DOES however, have to do with me exploring myself, which I have always done. I am quite introspective I suppose. My mother says that I have always had an ‘old soul’, and that she saw it in my childhood. I suppose I have always dug for answers, cared about people, etc.

Anyway… When I was younger I was in a few bands. I always wrote about topics that concerned me, I suppose introspective (I used that word correctly twice now… yay me!) ones. A dear friend, Jackie Manz, an amazing musician, asked me to write the lyrics and perform the vocals on a solo project she is working on. It is the ‘Forever Ambergris’ project (Look it up on Facebook and LIKE IT! ). I was honored and happy to do it. It was a lot of fun, stressful week, as we had numerous problems with file transfers between our divergent recording setups, but it all seemed to work out in the end. I did say, did I not, that she was amazing.

I was allowed to choose the topic, and as it would happen, it fell in line with her current feelings at the time, which were somber, dark, unsettling. I chose bullying as my topic, as it is something I have been struggling with recently with my young children. What?? Oh, I never mentioned I had children? Oh .. well.. I have children, two small boys, perhaps as vulnerable, and dare I say sweet and caring as I always was. So that is what I wrote about. Included is a link to the final product, again, it is dark, not everyone’s cup of tea, but give it a go .. yea? Here are the lyrics that I wrote for it below. They are also included in the youtube description. I want to stress, that I only wrote the words, and sang, the rest was all just one tiny girl, a young girl….. impressive .. yes?? She also did the production, mixing, and had just a little bit of help with the engineering. She is gifted and driven. Hats off! We need more of those in this world.

Captain’s Mast <– Click to hear the song, go to youtube.

I am the one you find, the weak one’s life, that you feed on.
I am the lies you tell, the lifeless hell, that bleeds on.
I’m the one that you pass by, that prays inside, you’ll move on.

I am the captain’s mast, the single chance to see me.
I am the whispered cry, the lonely sigh, hear me.
Please don’t leave me where you find me.

——————

I am the sick boy’s needs, the lonely dreams, that you feed on.
I am the quiet girl, in your bitter world, that bleeds on.
I’ve taken it all inside, I have tried this life, I’ll move on.
I am the lifeless one, the mother’s son, that you preyed on.

I was the captain’s mast, the single chance, to see me.
I was the whispered cry, that lonely sigh, you ignored me.
Please leave me where you find me.

——————

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First post, what to say?

I decided I would use a blog to post my daily struggles, experiences, discoveries, and triumphs. I really wanted to start keeping some sort of journal of my daily discoveries, this is mostly what I believe will be posted on this blog. Here is why.

I am a thirty-nine year old man at the point of this writing, I am newly single, and have discovered that I lost ‘me’ along the way somewhere. I’m going to find him again.

I spent the last seventeen years of my life slowly transforming into a person that I am not. A person who sits home and does nothing. Who lives his life for another, whether it was ever appreciated or not. Now it’s time to find that lost boy again, and I am finding him slowly and don’t want to miss recording a moment of pulling him from the past. The littlest things that I have experienced in the recent past have fascinated me beyond belief. Things that most will never know or discover. You can see; but not touch, taste, feel, or smell the real world while locked in the mesmerizing wash of the frantically flashing strobes of your television screen. I want all of it, the little things, the big things, all of it. So that is what I am after. That is what I wish to record here, and if you care to, you may read along. That part is up to you.

Do you know…

  • …what a Beaver does in response to being surprised by you creeping up on him in a kayak?
  • …how your legs feel when hundreds of minnows nibble on your leg hair?
  • …what it feels like to be kayaking in a flooded creek that has just risen five feet and is well beyond flood stage?
  • …how your heart pounds when in that same creek a tree falls four seconds after you have passed beneath it, that terrifying crack, the sound of it crashing in the creek and now following you in that torrent?
  • …the privilege of watching a mother Beaver swimming with, and teaching her babies?
  • …what it feels like to be swimming in a river, in a current you cannot fight, several hundred feet from shore, being drawn toward a hydro electric plant and it’s intakes?
  • …the sound a small fawn makes when dancing just twenty feet inside a tree line, as it darts back and forth playing with you?

I do, and so much more. I am sure I have forgotten a lot of the things I have learned, felt, smelled, and been witness to.

I don’t want to forget any more of them.

So this is where we begin.